The Inviting Shift Podcast
Embrace the authentic, confident you so you can feel good in your skin and have deeper relationships. The Inviting Shift Podcast focuses on how we step through this messy journey of life confidently so we can feel good about how we show up, have more connected relationships and connect to purpose and meaning. Or in short, how we manifest the lives we crave in practical, tangible ways.
The Inviting Shift Podcast
S3E8: Sisterhood Redefined: Healing and Growth Together
Get ready to dive deep into the real secrets of self-care and self-love! 🎉 In this episode, we're bringing together an amazing panel of women—Margaret Selby, Jamie Besser, and Nikki Yazbeck—who are shaking up the idea of what it means to truly nurture yourself. Ever feel like traditional pampering only scratches the surface? Margaret, a transformational retreat leader, Jamie, a self-care superfan, and Nicky, a yoga and plant medicine guru, are here to share their unique insights on weaving self-care into your everyday routine. 🌿💆♀️
From practical strategies to the magic of flexibility, they’ll cover how movement, exercise, and even a little sunlight can work wonders for your well-being. Plus, we’ll chat about the power of women’s circles and the life-changing connections they’ve experienced. This is self-care like you’ve never heard it before! 🌞✨
GUESTS:
Jamie Bessler is a retired educator. Empty nester. Seeker of personal enrichment. You can find more about Woman Within here.
Margaret Selby's leadership experience includes facilitating transformational international women's retreats, leadership roles in the Woman Within Colorado community since 2001, facilitating women’s empowerment circles since 1999, raising 2 teenagers (!), and coaching both individual and corporate clients. She's been a certified personal and professional coach since 2018. She's passionate about helping you kick YOUR inner critics to the curb and supporting women to say HELL YES to themselves!
Connect with Margaret: Instagram | Website
Nicky Yazbeck is the host of "The Connected Community Podcast: Exploring Possibility," a space where mindfulness, movement, and self-discovery come together to help listeners unlock new possibilities for personal growth and transformation. Nicky holds a Master’s degree in Social Work, which profoundly shapes her holistic approach to wellness and personal development. Whether through her yoga teaching (over 20 years and 1000 hours of training), podcasting, or social work, Nicky is passionate about helping people explore their potential and transform their lives through mindfulness, movement, and self-discovery.
For more about Nicky’s professional background and journey, visit www.nickyYyoga.com.
HOST:
Christina Smith is a life coach specializing in confidence and self-love in midlife so that women can finally truly like themselves and how they show up for themselves and their relationships.
CONNECT with Inviting Shift & Christina on Social:
Instagram | Facebook
FREE GIFT: The Confidence Tool Kit is here to help you walk into the second half like a queen (because you are one already). Get it here.
Email me and tell me what you think: christina@christina-smith.com
TUNE IN wherever you listen to podcasts:
Hello and welcome back to the Inviting Shift podcast. I have this beautiful, amazing panel of speakers. Today we're gonna have a beautiful conversation about self-love, self-care and how it is that we do it, and I know that this season we've talked with several women about this similar topics but we each do it a little bit different, and so I wanna make sure that everybody has opportunity to really explore different ways that we're doing our self-love and our self-care. Because I know when I was growing up, it was like I went for a mani-pedi or for shopping, and for many of us, as we get into our midlife, self-care and self-love looks a lot different than just going to get a massage Not that there's anything wrong with that, but just that there might be a little bit more to it. So, with that, I just want to have our guests check in with who they are and tell you a little bit about themselves. So, margaret, can you check in?
Margaret Selby:Sure, my name is Margaret Selby. I am from Boulder, colorado, and I have a business called Thrive. With Margaret and Paige With my best friend of over 25 years we run women's retreats transformational women's retreats for women who are busy putting themselves at the bottom of their list, who are looking to really nurture themselves and take an intentional break for themselves. I also do corporate leadership coaching and I think that's it about me.
Christina Smith:Yeah, thanks, margaret and Jamie. You've been here before, but here you are again because we love you so much.
Jamie Bessler:Thank you. I'm Jamie Besser. I live in sunny, warm Phoenix, Arizona, and I am an empty nester at the moment. I have kids in college and way out of college and I volunteer my time now with Women Within and Western and I lead circles. I have a circle, an online circle. I have an in-person circle here and I am actually helping to be one of the guides this weekend for a circle training, as tomorrow actually here in Phoenix.
Christina Smith:Thanks for being here, as I know that it takes a lot of preparation to do those, and we're definitely going to talk about circles, because that's definitely some really good self-care for me anyway. So, nikki, tell us about you.
Nicky Yazbeck:Hey, so my name is Nicky Yazbek and I have been teaching yoga for about 20 years. I have a background with a master's in social work and I've kind of moved away from that field for a while and have a podcast called the Connected Community Podcast, which, christina, you've been one of my guests and we talked about the golden shadow, and I run a women's group here in Colorado around plant medicine.
Christina Smith:Beautiful. Yes, we all have, like this, slightly different ways that we take care of ourselves, and that's what we wanted to talk about today, because it's not always the things like for me. I always thought it was about taking care of, making myself look, feel pretty Like that's used to be mine. It's like it was nails and it was going shopping and buying the clothing, and I'm really not that type of person anymore. So, like, when it came to self-care in midlife, it was hard for me because I had put it off for so many years. As I was working and raising children, having a family and moving across the country several times.
Christina Smith:I really didn't know what self-care was and I knew that people had these beautiful morning routines, but routines felt very stifling and restricting to me. So I know that routines work for some people and not other people. So I'm curious if there's anyone here that loves a routine, like has a morning routine that they set into. I've gotten a little better with it. I do journaling, I do a little reading, I do a little meditation now, but I don't call it a routine because then my whole body would break down and go. I don't want to do that, but who else might have a routine or a non-routine.
Jamie Bessler:So I, I actually um, we, we live and we back to a desert wash, and so I go into the backyard with usually with the two dogs, and I just park myself in the middle of the yard and something about just sitting there and getting grounded and even taking the time to think what intention I want to have for that particular day while I am looking at this majestic 12-foot-tall cactus. It's really peaceful and it's a great way to start my day beautiful.
Margaret Selby:I resonate with that routine thing, the maybe aversion to the word routine. I also have that. I was a competitive swimmer in college and so my life was like super structured and lots of routine and it was amazing. It was the best experience of my life. I mean I loved it. It just doesn't fit for me anymore, this really strict routine. I like the idea of it, I think, but it also makes me want to run away. So I would say that I call in a bunch of things, but I don't do the same thing every morning and I know I have to move my body. That is one of the ultimate acts of self-care and self-love for me is to get my body moving. I live in a beautiful state, so there's it's often sunny, so to get sunshine on my face, and whether it's walking my dog or exercising or lifting or whatever I'm doing, um, and getting my green smoothie in sometime, that it's. I guess it's part of a routine, but it's not like every single morning, you know.
Nicky Yazbeck:But, um, I resonate with that, but I resonate with that, not wanting to have a routine and also doing some self-care every morning anyway, even though it's not exactly the same. Yeah, I totally resonate with that. I don't have a routine. I like the concept of routine, but I have an aversion to it as well. But there are certain things that I weave through my week and, as you said, movement and exercise are key for me, and sunshine. I need sunshine in my body, on my face. Sometimes it's just going and sitting outside, and, as Jamie said, too, is taking my shoes off, and grounding and sticking my feet on the earth is really helpful. So I don't have a specific thing, but definitely have patterns that I weave throughout every week.
Christina Smith:I love that we all kind of say that, because it's really like my husband is really regimented when it comes to his self-care. Like it's a two to three hour kind of process in the morning for him to like and he does the same things every morning. But to him that feels really good, Like he knows he's doing that, and for me it's more of a like I've learned how to tune into my body and be like what actually do I need right now? What is it that do I do? I need to sit and pray or meditate, or do I? Would journaling be better or would reading something be better? Um, so that's how my morning goes.
Christina Smith:I'm trying to get back into the health and I think that when we talk about self-care, a lot of people think, like it's a checklist, like I have to check it, check it, check it, check it, check it. I have to get all the boxes. And for me it's not about that, because if I create a list of, like all the stuff that I want to do for myself, then it starts to feel like, oh, here's another chore list. And then it's like, oh, I have to go do this, I have to, and that feels heavy to me. So instead I might have a list of things, but it's like, what is it that I feel like doing? And that's a lot different because, like what would actually nourish me right now and that's what's really important for me, and sometimes it's movement. Sometimes just going outside and walking around the house a few times is helpful to me just to get my body moving. Some yoga is something that I love to do, lots of stretching, and for me lately, because I'm in the middle of this chaotic change in my life, we're just in this weird space of challenges, journaling has become more important to me than ever before, and I was always like the kind of person was like I don't want to journal, like I used to do it a lot when I was a teenager, but I don't want to do it now. However, that's really been a really helpful, a way of me like getting out all this stuff that I'm kind of holding within that I I can't share with just anybody because, um, because of the situation that I'm in, it would just make it hard on other people for me to, like, you know, puke that stuff off all over them, cause it's like they got their own challenges, they don't need my judgments, and so journaling has been something that's really been helpful.
Christina Smith:I finished my first journal in like many years Just this week. I was so excited I was like, oh, I filled the whole thing. But I'm wondering I know that we talked about routine, but what are some things that you? I know that we talked about routine, but what are some things that you like? What's your grab bag of kind of ways that you take care of yourself? I know that we have a yoga teacher here, so I'm assuming that yoga is definitely one way, Nikki, that you take care of yourself.
Nicky Yazbeck:Yeah, I think for me it's yoga, and then self-reflection has become really big. So when the shadow stuff comes up or I get triggered or something sets me off, it's really digging in and exploring that. I found that super helpful to my growth and exploring that. And then I think I have a really strong women's group, a women's circle and women. I feel like connecting with women has been really big for me this year and before. I found it much easier to connect with men, had a little bit of distrust for women and there's something that opened up in this last year where I'm just completely open myself up to the feminine and seeing the power in that and the beauty in that and how women can hold women in such a special and beautiful and unique way, and that's been a lifesaver for me. My husband is incredible and he's so supportive, but there's something different about how women hold other women.
Christina Smith:I love that you say that, because the first time I went to a woman within weekend I sat there on a Friday night with 60 women around me and I was like I didn't realize I don't trust women. Like until I was in a room with 60 of them, I had no idea how fearful I was around so many women. And now today it's like when I look for a therapist or I look for anything, I'm like, well, is there a woman? Is there a woman? It's like I now trust women so much more than I would trust just any man that I don't know.
Christina Smith:And sitting in circle with women, I don't think I ever knew, before I went through my Women Within weekend, how much my body craved that, like how much all of me mentally, emotionally, really needed to be seen and heard and loved by women. And I know that Margaret and Jamie both have had that experience as well and that we all I think it's lovely that we all. I'm getting chills because I'm like we all have beautiful women's circles and I'm sat in so many, but the power of those circles is incredible and maybe, margaret, you can speak to that.
Margaret Selby:It's funny, like what right, when you said that, nikki, I was like yes, yes, my like go-to self-care. If you know, I will do things for myself the yoga, the green smoothies, the getting outside, the walking. And then I was thinking like if I really feel that kind of that next level need for self-care, like I just dropped off my oldest at college and I was like I need some support here, so that self-care looked like reaching out to my girlfriends. I have circle tonight and I don't think I said it earlier but I, yeah. So I did my weekend in 1994 for one within and, um, I was realizing when we were talking that that was my first, I was 19 years old, my first radical act of self-love and self-care.
Margaret Selby:And what has happened since then is I have been in a women's circle pretty much continuously, except for a few, a couple, an international move there and back to London for 30 years and whether it's been like virtual, during Zoom, during COVID, or in person, I've had a lot of in-person circles over the years. That's my go-to for being seen, being heard and also being present and witnessing the work of others, the healing of others. So all of that feels like the deepest level of self-care that I can do for myself and really connect with myself, but also give, give that energy back to a sacred group of women who are in that same space of intention and wanting to grow, wanting to work, wanting to share shadow pieces, and so that's. It's been a huge, huge part of my life pretty much since I was almost done being a teenager. It's been a huge, huge part of my life pretty much since I was almost done being a teenager.
Jamie Bessler:So, yeah, I was going to jump in about like the, the importance of circles and and how nourished just like I feel, like my soul feels, and I actually went to England this summer, which was a big thing, just like leaving behind my husband and the kids who were home for the summer, and and I did a whole week of woman within with archetypes and something about that kind of like has set me off on this. I don't know if this quest, this about the importance of that self-care and realizing that my Tuesday night circle minds online is it's like I won't miss it. It is just something that is so um, beneficial and I can do. I exercise three or four days a week and even on top of my circles that my girlfriend connections that I have, I can go do like a really, really heavy strength training day and then realize, you know what I need to connect. I have this going on and so the connection with friends and then the circles, it's all part of self-care.
Christina Smith:And what I've really been thinking about lately is, like, what is the difference? Because, like when I was young, I would go out to lunch with friends and like, but there's something, even today, that I have created these, cultivated these like really deep relationships with women where I, like, I completely trust them for the most part, and so I also like, not only do I have my circle and I've led lots of open circles for women to come and try out circle which I think is like precious because you don't always have, you don't have the same circle all the time, and so it's always a different type of energy but the relationships that I have with the friends that I have now and me being of nomadic nature, I have, like a scheduled call with them every month. It doesn't mean that when that time comes that we are both available. Sometimes we reschedule, but it's on the calendar so that we have to reschedule it, and when I'm talking, like I check in with them, it's like not 45 minutes, we're talking like three hour conversations, we're in for the night, and I find that so funny because so many years ago I would have thought like going out and watching music or going out and doing this thing with my friends was so much more important. And just a couple of weeks ago I went to go meet a friend in Baltimore and we were supposed to go do a bunch of things but I got really ill because of menopause, thank you, or perimenopause, and I really couldn't do much and we just talked for like 48 hours is all we did and it was so nourishing. I just talked to her yesterday and I was like that was so great and she's like I know it was so great. So cultivating these really deep relationships with women has been one of the best self-care and self-love acts that I ever could have imagined.
Christina Smith:Because I also think about. I know I'm going on and on, but I also think about I sat on the woman with an international board for a while and when I first got there I was like, oh my God, these women are all Queens. Why am I sitting at this table, you know? And and like I don't know that I have gifts that these women have, and of course I don't. We all have different gifts. But as I sat there and then started contributing, I just like stepped out of my comfort zone and was like, yeah, I'll do it. I just like stepped out of my comfort zone and was like, yeah, I'll do it, I'll do the job. I started to like see more of myself in them and vice versa, and there was like this whole self love of going wow, I actually am worthy of sitting at this table.
Christina Smith:I do have gifts, I do have something to contribute and that has been such a gift to my own, like confidence and wellbeing and mental, like my mental wellbeing, so definitely sitting with other women. So if you're listening to the podcast and you're like, how do I find groups of women to go sit with, go to womanwithinorg, and find that we sound like a commercial for it, but it's, it's just changed so many women's lives that I can't imagine. And I know, nikki, you have a whole different type of community of women that works around plant medicine. Tell us a little bit about that.
Nicky Yazbeck:So we have a group that has done ayahuasca um, actually up in Boulder, colorado, and um, the only requirement for the for people to come into the group is that they've done medicine once. So some people did medicine once three years ago and they're coming to group and there's no requirement of how often people participate, so they can come in once or they can come in every single month. We do it once a month, um, and I hosted at my, and the requirement really for the group is to just show up as you are. So if you're having a really crappy day, then come with your crappy day, and if you're flying high, then come and fly high and it doesn't matter. You don't need to be a certain way, you don't need to be in a good mood, you don't need to be in a good place.
Nicky Yazbeck:And then I also love the piece about our group where you can practice being uncomfortable, because if you can be uncomfortable, then that's where the growth is. And so if it's uncomfortable for you to speak out, then here's a place to practice. Or if somebody says something to you and it triggers you, here's a place to practice that to be uncomfortable and to maybe make mistakes and to maybe mess things up, and to be supported by these other women and to be held in love. And I feel like when we move into those places of discomfort, then that's where our greatest growth is. So if somebody is uncomfortable leading a meditation because I always have other people open and close like, how do you want to open and somebody is terrified of singing, then maybe it's to sing an opening, or maybe it's to do a meditation, or maybe it's just to hold space and silence, and so I love that piece of it. And then we always say what is it that you're needing from the group? Are you wanting people to hold space? Are you wanting reflection? Are you wanting advice, so that you're getting what you need? And we're also not rescuing each other. So if you're in the middle of your process and you're crying and tears are just flowing down, we're not going to run over and hug you and hold you. We're going to hold you in your process and allow you to sit in that and support you in that way instead of trying to grab you and pull you out of that process.
Nicky Yazbeck:And so really, a lot of the women are coming into this group and they have had these profound experiences and they don't have a community outside of this group to speak in that way, where they can just come and be exactly as they are and to share from their heart and from their soul their deepest, darkest secrets. And there's no judgment and everything is just held in love and everything is confidential. And it's so neat for them to have that one place where they can go once a month. And sometimes they just wait, they hold it all in, they come once a month and they let let everything go and it's, um, it's like a safety net for all of us and it's become so meaningful.
Nicky Yazbeck:And it's not about the medicine at all, um, but I do think that when people do ayahuasca medicine, it takes a certain type of person to do it, because when you do it, you you face your deepest, darkest shadows. They come out in that plant medicine if you like it or not. And so anybody that's walking down that path of having done that medicine they're willing to go there, they're willing to look at their shadow, they're willing to go into those really hard, uncomfortable places and find that self-reflection. And I also think, since it's once a month, it's also this good monitor point where it brings you back to baseline. So maybe that whole month you took really bad care of yourself. And then you come back to the group and you remember, oh, self-care is super important, or oh, my sisters are super important, and so it's kind of a touch point for all of us and it's been incredible and it's been so supportive and just filled with love.
Christina Smith:Sounds very similar to a woman within circle, just without the ayahuasca requirement. I mean, that's exactly what we do, and some of us, like me, have not been brave enough to think about plant medicine yet, because my husband's done it and I just don't. I don't know. I'm still doing research on it. So maybe tell us a few benefits that you've gotten just from the ayahuasca, from the actual plant medicine journey.
Nicky Yazbeck:Yeah, I mean, the first time I went I felt like I was sleeping and I didn't know I was sleeping. It's like life had just gone. I have a kid, I have a husband, I work and life just got carried away and I forgot who I was and I didn't even know when that happened and how I forgot. And then with the plant medicine, I mean really you walk through this door of shadow and it's really intense. It's not always intense for everybody, but it can be, and I guess you have to be willing to look at that when you go in for that specific plant medicine. And so it really woke me up and it brought up some trauma that I buried for 40 years and I didn't know.
Nicky Yazbeck:I processed it mentally, I talked about it but I hadn't processed it somatically and so it was a lot of somatic releases. It was a lot of shadow coming forward that I had shoved down and forgotten about and suppressed and thought I had covered that. I checked that box and it was done and over with and it wasn't. And it brought me back into my body and it brought me back to my spirit and it connected me to all these women and it deepened my relationship with my husband and it deepened the relationship with myself and I feel like, yeah, I was sleeping, I was just completely disconnected from who I was and what I was feeling and everything that was going on in my life. And so it brought me home and it's been beautiful and I can't say it's been easy.
Nicky Yazbeck:It's been really challenging, and ayahuasca is one thing you go in and you have that experience in plant medicine. But the real work begins after the ceremony and that integration piece and that's when your shadow comes up and it slaps you across the face and it tests you. And then that's when you have that decision of which direction you're going to take. When that shadow comes up, are you going to go down your old path or are you going to walk down this new path and do things in a different way? And so the first time I did it was a year ago and I'm like not the same person I was a year ago and not even close, not even at all, and anybody that would know me would say that like there's just been so much growth and transformation. But again, it hasn't been easy, but it's been beautiful.
Christina Smith:I love that Cause I think about midlife and I think it's like the time where I've learned to come back into my body.
Christina Smith:You were saying about how you come back into your body and I think it's a time where you know as Margaret and Jamie both introduced themselves as just recent empty nesters or at least you know, starting that process of letting go of the children like suddenly we have a little bit more time and space than we had before, and so for me, it's really given me the opportunity to stop and slow down a little bit or give myself permission. I mean, I guess I guess I could have always slowed down, but I didn't feel like I could before. I didn't feel like I could. So now, as an empty nester, it feels like I've had so much. I've been an empty nester for four years or something, so I've just expanded and been able to give myself that time to really get into my body and out of my head and be a lot more conscious about it. Be a lot more conscious about it. So I know other women have experiences about this. How do we all get back into our bodies and get out of our monkey brains.
Jamie Bessler:So I've been an empty nester. This is going on my second year and I think just even like for me being home alone, like in my house when my husband is away at work something about being home alone. Even if I'm just putting around and trying out a new recipe, it just lets me again doing that check-in. And food like cooking. I knew that I liked to cook way back when, when the kids were in the house, and now I like to do it for a different reason. I like nourishing myself. I like coming up with how can like what's going to make me feel the best.
Christina Smith:Yeah, I agree, Cooking has become a lot easier or a lot more interesting. I guess I have time to do it. I'm not like, okay, well, dinner's got to be cooked between 530 and 615. And then we got to, you know, do this and that. And the other thing it's like, ah, put all the ingredients out, I can shop. And I'm like not in a rush at all, which makes it so lovely, Margaret, you, you look like you've got something to say.
Margaret Selby:Well, getting back at you. It was getting back into your body. I mean, I'm in my body a lot Like. I feel like I'm a very somatic person. You know, hiking and lifting weights and working out in that way.
Margaret Selby:It does get me in my body, but really, it's yoga, where I have to stop and match my breath with my movement. I felt, I think it was it was. I did yoga just a couple of days before I left to drop off my daughter for college last week and I was not in my body. I was and I was not connected to the earth Like I just felt, like I was kind of floating and through really intentional breathing and intentional movement and pairing those together, I would say at the end I felt like boom, I am grounded to this earth and I am back in my body and it definitely takes effort and intention and consciousness and I sometimes run around like a crazy chicken with my head cut off and it's really taking the time to slow down and it's something about matching I know you probably know this, nikki like just matching the breath, the movement and really becoming very conscious.
Christina Smith:Yeah. So for me lately I've been like really in love with breath work. I've been like trying all different kinds of breath work, I think, because it's something that you have like having to pay attention to your breath, like they're like for me at least I I can't really think of anything else, whereas, like sometimes, if I'm lifting weights or I'm doing something else, like it's just like I could still be thinking about my to do list doing something else, like it's just like I could still be thinking about my to-do list while I'm doing it. Right, I might lose count of my reps, but that's okay. Um, that to-do list is obviously more important and it's been one of the biggest challenges of my life is just to be still like, just to come and be still. It's why one of the reasons I love still staffing women's weekends is because it like forces you to come, be in the circle and be still. Um, and that has, that has been a lifelong challenge for me. I'm just so used to. I got that production addiction in my head where it's like I must be doing something productive, I must be doing something that's going to be helpful, and so to slow down, which is really funny because I do visualizations, have like over a hundred visualizations for everybody else. But like one day I was like I'm going to sit down, I'm going to do a visualization and I could just feel it in my body going okay, how long is this going to take? What's the gist of this? Can we just speed this up? Can we just think about this? I like, just tell me the dialogue and I'll figure it out in my brain, because my brain loves to think that it's the most important thing, and so it will automatically say no, I'm in charge, let me just figure out the logistics. Let me bypass this by just doing doing the data.
Christina Smith:And there's really something precious about allowing ourselves just to be still and like thoughtless I guess it sounds like such a negative connotation to the word, but really thoughtless, like not having to think about the future or the past or what's going on or any of that stuff, and just being able to be like Ooh, take a breath, how is my body feeling? And it's usually when I can't do it or when I'm most challenged by it that I need it the most. I love that quote that says you know, everybody should sit in meditation for 15 minutes. Unless you're too busy, then you should sit for an hour and it's like that's exactly it for me, like that's when I need it the most, is when I'm most resistant to it, and I've gotten a little better at getting my inner child to come along with me and be like I know, I know, I know we want to get stuff done. It's okay, we're going to, we're just going to, we're doing this because it's good for us.
Christina Smith:And that's the real change that has happened for me in midlife is that I've changed from that mind um, that mindset that says, like here's your list, hurry up and get it all done. Instead, it's like I'm actually going to enjoy having my smoothie in the morning, not just like shove it down because it has healthy stuff in it and I should do it, and I'm going to actually enjoy lifting weights, not, you know, just try to get it done. And because for me it was always like a means to an end, like know, just try to get it done. And because for me it was always like a means to an end, like let's hurry up, get it done.
Christina Smith:Hurry up and get it done, which in my life, has stopped me from really enjoying, enjoying the journey and really I get to the goal and I'm like, oh, so what? I got all the things done and I don't feel good about it. Um, and being able to tune into my body has been from slowing down. So how about everybody else? Am I the only one who felt like we were in this rush, rush, rush? Like I felt like I rushed so much through all my goals, through all my days, and then one day I woke up and I was like is this where I was rushing to? Because I don't know like, did I miss the whole journey just to get here?
Margaret Selby:I'll quickly bring up the dreaded nap because I have to have a very hard time slowing down.
Margaret Selby:So I say the dreaded because there's part of me that really wants to just lay down. Every once it's not that often, but every once in a while I just want to take a nap and then I tell myself I've got too many things to do. And again, right before I dropped off my daughter, I was like the weekend before there were a lot of things to be done, a lot of just errands and things to do, and I couldn't. I had to lay down and then I was judging myself about it and it was the opposite of self-love, doing the inner critic thing until I finally was like enough, my body needs to lay down, I am in an emotional state and I'm going to lay down and take a nap. It was like 20 minutes maybe, and it's having the consciousness to just stop, take the pause, stop letting my inner critic tell me things that are the opposite of self-love, and just take the damn nap. I don't know if it does anyone else struggle with that. I don't know if I'm the only one.
Jamie Bessler:So I I don't really like struggle with exactly, um, what I am finding. I'm a lot more intentional now about, I don't want to say, just doing nothing, but if I need time to think about, okay, I'm an empty nester, I have a lot of free time now what do I want to create? And just even taking the downtime to, you know, to not fill it up with clutter and and and go on and on and on. And constant movement. I do like taking the time now and we're almost at the point in Arizona where I could sit outside I can sit out in the morning. Still I can't sit out the middle of the day yet but and just and again, enjoying just the outside, the outdoors, and figuring out, like you know, what's next, without having a specific goal in mind, yeah, I can relate to the breath piece.
Nicky Yazbeck:I mean like how important breath work is and connecting to the breath, cause I feel like that's a way to connect it to the body. And, margaret, you were talking about yoga and connecting with the breath and that's like that's the key. That's the key. If you're not connecting your breath with yoga, you're just moving, and the key to yoga is really that breath connection. So it's a moving meditation, it really is. It's a moving meditation and it calms your whole nervous system and it can be really beautiful.
Nicky Yazbeck:And then I can also relate to running around like crazy and feeling a little bit guilty if I'm going to stop and take a nap or I'm going to stop and just chill out. But I have slowly started to find stillness in activities. So where I would be in my mind washing the dishes and trying to go from point A to point B to point C which I still do sometimes, it's finding mindfulness in those mundane activities. And then there's a lot of joy in them, where before I'm trying to hurry up and finish it so I can go to the next thing. And now I'm actually enjoying the process a lot more.
Christina Smith:I love that. Never thought of dishes as self-care, but yes, if you're being mindful while you're doing, it like what a break for your brain. Cause I think that's what we're really craving is like to give our brains a break. And for me, what has really shifted is the whole perimenopause has my body doing weird things, and so there are times where I just have to be like, okay, christina, you just have to lay down and be still for 30 minutes, and that's just the way it is, because whatever we're about to do is not going to turn out well If we continue on with the energy that I have right now about it. It's like it's going to be bad, and we're not going to turn out well if we continue on with the energy that I have right now about it is like it's going to be bad and we're not going to like it's not going to turn out good anyway. So let's just go take care of ourselves first, which you know I feel like if that would have been taught to me during puberty, I might've gotten through that a little bit more smoothly.
Christina Smith:But we aren't taught to really take care of our bodies when we're young. I know, at least in my house it was like you always had to be busy doing something and if you weren't, somebody would give you something to do, um and so like, really allowing myself to be like yes, I know we want to be productive, I know we want to get this next thing done, and in order to do that in a mindful or a good way, I need to just give myself five minutes to change my emotional attitude, to maybe do some breathing, to do something that is going to help me get back into my body, cause this hormonal state that I can get into sometimes, um is, is really not helpful to do a lot of the things that I want to do, and I allow that to be my body just telling me hey, this is time for you to just slow the hell down. Listening to my body has made things so much nicer in my life a lot less chaos, a lot less feeling like I'm going against the flow of things. When I listen to my body, I feel like I'm more in that flow of things when I'm listening to my breath. And how is my breath? Am I even breathing? There's so many times that I'm like I noticed that I'm not even breathing. Like what am I holding my breath for and and we can't do that unless we become really conscious of where we are, and I've just found that in midlife that's really the space that I'm in and maybe that's us turning towards our crone archetype or something. But it is a really helpful for me just to like I get so much more done by slowing down. Now it sounds insane to my younger self, but it's like I get so much done and in such a better way.
Christina Smith:Anybody else experience that Something like it? Okay?
Margaret Selby:Yes, I still struggle. It's just like, yes, I totally am with you and I get it, and I'm still like I'm still in the process of learning it that I can't say like yeah, it's like I'm experimenting with all that Because I know that's what I need.
Margaret Selby:Is that slowing down, that's the intentionality becoming really present, like what I think you were kind of getting at Nikki, like being really present while I'm washing the dishes. But I feel like it's such a journey and such a struggle, because my MO has always been go, go, go, go, move, move, move. And my met, my perimenopausal body too, is like you need to, you need to chill, you need to slow down, and that is self-love and that is self-care. And even if it's the micro self-care of three breaths, like those micro moments of one breath, just simply I do this thing when it's my birthday, but on the clock I take a breath, sometimes more, and I stop for a second and that feels like a micro moment of self-care and self-love, and if I can remember to do that most days it helps.
Margaret Selby:It really does, Even though it's super short. I try to do it the whole minute Just really breathe and focus and be present. What's going on around me, how do I feel and breathe and breathe, and thanks for being honest about that, because here's the thing.
Christina Smith:I can talk about this all day. I do not want you to meet me and expect that at any moment I'm always going to make the right choice, because that does not happen. There's a lot of resistance in me in different spaces to like allow myself that. So we are all in different phases of this and even like Nikki, who has been like teaching yoga for 20 years, be like, oh, she knows all about being in her body and I'm sure she just you know, when she's not teaching yoga she's just like in a corner. You know namaste, and I'm sure even you have had some challenges, because even with the, what you were saying about the plant medicine is like that's, that's opened up a whole another layer for you to like look at and dig into.
Nicky Yazbeck:Yeah, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. It's always a work in progress.
Nicky Yazbeck:I have to say, though I mean this is a tiny bit off topic, but you're talking a lot about perimenopause, um, and, and for me, self-care was I was having all those perimenopause symptoms um insomnia, mood swings, night sweats, um brain fog, like you name it and I didn't know what was going on. I went to a functional medicine doctor and she did blood work and a lot of my blood work was in range, but it wasn't optimal. And come to find out, I have hypothyroidism, and so when she put me on medicine for hypothyroidism and I started taking a few supplements so that my blood work wasn't just on the low, low end but I was in the middle and optimize it, I can say that all of that stuff went away within two weeks. It was insane, and so sometimes I think we might need to get through that perimenopause stuff.
Nicky Yazbeck:But I also think for me, self-care was going to a functional medicine doctor and actually doing hormone replacement has been life-changing, and optimizing my labs and biohacking my labs has been ridiculous, and I'm so glad I did it because I didn't have to be suffering. I was suffering and immediately I started, I didn't even know I had brain fog until it was gone, and then I realized that I had been in a cloud for so long and didn't even know it. So I would encourage people to consider that if that's not something that they've done.
Christina Smith:I have my appointment scheduled, but until then, I guess doctors, they take so long to get an appointment and it's like it's months away and it's like okay, in the meantime. Here's what you can do, christina. Like you need to calm down and just like allow, like at least it helps me just to even be like when I'm feeling extra emotional or like mentally foggy, it helps me just to say this could be menopause. Let's just be kind to ourselves. I'm not doing anything wrong, like we're okay, we are safe. We're just really uncomfortable.
Christina Smith:Cause for me it's really uncomfortable and one of the symptoms I get that really irritates me to no end is itchy skin. I feel like I'm itching my skin all the time and it doesn't matter if I moisturize, it doesn't matter. Like the inside of my ears itch like that's. That's how crazy it is. And and being physically uncomfortable can automatically like push me into mental and emotional like disease or unwellness anyway, whatever that word is Um, it can make me really uncomfortable there too.
Christina Smith:So the only way that I so far that it really gets me through those moments is just to have compassion and be like okay, what can we do? Like almost remothering myself right With a mother that I would have wanted and be like okay, christina, what is it that little girl, what is it that we need? Do we need some ice packs? Do we need to take a shower scrub? Like what is it that we need to do right now? And so doing that has at least created some kindness to myself and I got to tell you, nikki, there's like 10 years ago I would have been like I can tough this out, it's fine, I can figure it out. And now I'm just like if there's a solution, oh, me too.
Nicky Yazbeck:Me too. I was like I can get through this, I don't need anything. And then I went on for two weeks. I'm like, oh my God, I did not need to suffer.
Christina Smith:Never mind, and it's almost like getting glasses, I'm sure, like where you were, like I didn't realize how fuzzy my vision was until I got these glasses. So I look forward to it and I know that Jamie is giggling because she's talked about this about before in the podcast where she didn't even notice menopause. It just went right over her head.
Jamie Bessler:My mom had a really, really simple time going through menopause and I was very well educated about, like, what, what might happen, and nothing happened. I just about 10 years ago, everything just stopped and the one thing that I like I'm much more aware of now is bone density. Like I'm much more aware of now is um is bone density Um, as I've gotten older and I which my mom again did um a really amazing job educating me and um I will say you know, I am six, 65 and I'm not on, I'm not on any prescription medications and I do. I do some supplements and a lot of it is some of it may be hereditary, but a lot of it is is again that intention and and my attitude to aging and being aware I'm in circle with other women going through menopause right now and just and being compassionate.
Christina Smith:Beautiful. Thank you, Jamie. So I know that we could talk all day about this conversation, about self-care and self-love, and there's probably a hundred aspects we haven't even talked about yet, but we got to shut this down. So, before we go, if everybody could just offer one piece of advice or a takeaway that you would want women to think about, and then, um, you know, our guests are welcome to share whatever it is that they want to share and how to connect with them and whatnot. Um, check out the links in the show notes below, because that's how you're going to be able to connect with them all.
Christina Smith:I guess my, my little piece of wisdom, let's say, would be um, find a way to give yourself permission to slow down is one of the most important things. Like slowing down. It's like I, even part of me, can still cringe when I think about slow down. I don't got time to slow down. Part of me can still cringe when I think about slow down. I don't got time to slow down. But it's like Ooh, and then go back. I go back to my breath and that's what makes me go. Oh right, I'm a human being, I'm a living creature, I'm. It's okay for me to slow down. That's what I would offer, Margaret. How about you?
Margaret Selby:I think I just talked about those micro moments. I think so. I feel like there's a spectrum of self-care and self-love. So we have micro moments of taking one to three breaths, you know, just stopping and really paying attention to what am I feeling in this present moment. And then I've been dying to tell you all this. I'm going to Bali next week on a women's retreat. I am going to be a participant and I'm very, very excited because, like I said, I facilitate women's retreats for others, but I haven't been a participant. And I'm very, very excited because, like I said, I facilitate women's retreats for others, but I haven't been a participant. So I am going next week.
Margaret Selby:So that was what I'm getting at is like the other end of that could be a big piece of self-care. Or you go halfway across the world or just go on a retreat or something like that, where you can really be intentional with the self-care and maybe then learn some tips and ways to bring it back into your everyday life, from the micro moments to the medium-sized self-care, and then, every once in a while, these bigger pieces of self-care and self-love where you're simply taking a whole week maybe, or five days, or three days or eight, whatever it is for yourself, for your heart, for your soul, who you are as a woman in this lifetime and on this planet right now. So I think that's the, it's the spectrum, the micro to the macro, and I think it's important to really acknowledge that we need all of those different things.
Christina Smith:Yeah, I love that. I love that because the micros are good for like every day, and then I think, like once a week, you should do something, or I should do something for myself that is a little bit bigger. Maybe it takes a few hours. Then maybe once a month or once a year, you do something a little bigger for yourself. So beautiful. Thanks, margaret. Oh and, and how can they reach you? They're going to reach you during the links below, and so if y'all need to take those macro moments, margaret has got the space for you.
Margaret Selby:We do, yep. Our business is called Thrive with Margaret and Paige, and we also have a retreat website for our retreat in Haramara next April 2025. So that's a great place, and margaretandpagegmailcom will be listed, so those are great places to find us Beautiful. Yeah, work with us, thank you yeah, because I've seen your retreat.
Christina Smith:I've seen pictures of your retreats and I'm like dang man, that looks like a lot of fun, a lot of self-care right there.
Jamie Bessler:Lovely thanks, margaret, jamie so my um words of wisdom here would be to make self-care and self-love. It's an everyday kind of thing that it can be again, the micro, the smallest thing, from going and sitting outside to going halfway across the world to England to do a workshop, world to England to do a workshop, um, and and the other, and just making yourself. You know, making making I make myself much more I'm, I'm important and, uh, giving myself that permission daily to do something kind for myself.
Christina Smith:Caring for yourself in a way that you would care for somebody else you know, like that you really love, like hey, you're important and so often we'll do beautiful things for our best friends, but we won't necessarily do those same things for ourselves. I mean, I've sent friends flowers so many times. Have I ever sent myself flowers? No, probably not. So something to think about. Right, Thanks, Jamie, and if you want to connect with Jamie, you can also reach out through me and I believe that we're going to list your email just for Woman Within, Is that right? So if you have any questions about Woman Within, Jamie is a really good woman to talk to or circles.
Nicky Yazbeck:Nikki yeah, so my advice would be to play in the uncomfortable play in the shadow. I talk a lot about that lately and I just think that that's where a lot of the growth is, and sometimes when we're older, we get stuck in our own patterns and so maybe it's doing something outside the box that makes you a little uncomfortable. Maybe it's a conversation, maybe it's going to a party by yourself, maybe it's going to dinner by yourself, maybe it's going and doing a retreat. Whatever it is, it's just pushing that comfort zone, pushing our edge a little bit. That's where growth happens. We can't always sit in a place of comfortableness.
Christina Smith:So, yeah, thank you for that Cause I think that that's lovely. I mean, so often we think self-care and self-love is about feeling really good and fluffy and whatnot, and it's really about what is the best thing for me right now. And sometimes that is, yeah, you got to look at this hard thing or you got to make a boundary and feel okay with that, and all of those things that feel really hard to do. I mean, I feel really proud of myself looking back at the hardest things I had to do and knowing that I got through them, rather than, oh, that was a fluffy time and that was nice and cozy, and I mean we need those times too, but it's not. It's not balanced. We need balance. As human beings, we still need to grow, and so that's one of the parts that we take care of ourselves. And how can they reach you?
Nicky Yazbeck:we take care of ourselves and how can they reach you? So I have a website, Nikki Y yoga, and I CK Y Y Y O G acom, and so people can find me there. Um, I do online private yoga classes. I have the connected community podcast, which is on YouTube and all the audio platforms, and soon I want to be working with um people to integrate their experiences with plant medicine.
Christina Smith:Nice, beautiful, so, and if you have a question about her ayahuasca group or the plant medicine group, you can reach out to her as well. Thank you all for being here today. What a lovely little conversation we had. Thanks to the audience for tuning in. If you're still listening, we really appreciate you and we'll see you all next week.
