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The Inviting Shift Podcast
Embrace the authentic, confident you so you can feel good in your skin and have deeper relationships. The Inviting Shift Podcast focuses on how we step through this messy journey of life confidently so we can feel good about how we show up, have more connected relationships and connect to purpose and meaning. Or in short, how we manifest the lives we crave in practical, tangible ways.
The Inviting Shift Podcast
S3E4: Redefining Midlife: Creativity and Self-Care Unleashed
Rediscover your creativity and reignite your passions in midlife. On this week's Inviting Shift Show, we're joined by three remarkable women—Cassandra, Sharon, and Kelly—who share their inspiring stories of embracing new creative pursuits and self-care practices. Cassandra, a certified coaching healer, sheds light on how she helps spiritual entrepreneurs conquer their fears and find clarity. Sharon, an artist and creativity coach, passionately discusses the importance of granting oneself permission to explore artistic passions, particularly for those who were discouraged during their youth. Meanwhile, Kelly, a city planner with a knack for architecture, underscores the necessity of engaging in fulfilling activities outside of one's professional life.
OUR GUESTS:
Sharon J. Burton is an artist, art curator, poet, teaching artist, yoga nidra guide, certified creativity coach and founder of Spark Your Creative based in the Washington, DC area. Since 2016, she has focused on helping people in "creative recovery"...those looking to revive or jump-start their creativity through group and individual coaching, workshops, her blog and as the host of Spark Your Creative Podcast which features artists and other creatives who are using their unique talents to create more mindful communities and a safer world.Get her Affirmations for Creative Breakthroughs for free through this link.
Connect with Sharon: Instagram | Facebook | Website
Kelly Wong has dedicated 24 years to preserving cultural heritage sites worldwide. She is currently a Principal Planner at the City & County of San Francisco, leading a team that enforces the Planning Code. Her career includes roles at the Getty Conservation Institute, The Presidio Trust, and Architectural Resources Group. Kelly holds an architecture degree from UC Berkeley and a master’s in historic preservation from the University of Pennsylvania. Outside of work, Kelly enjoys traveling, trying new foods, kayaking, dancing, yoga, and recently began learning medieval illumination and calligraphy.
Cassandra Rosa is a certified coach & healer and intuitive business coach. Her mission is to help spiritual entrepreneurs go deep within on their journey to creating an impactful and fulfilling life & business. She is an award-winning author of the book Now What: Create the Clarity to Achieve Your Dreams designed to help people navigate life’s “Now What” moments. She is also a co-host of The Limitless Human Podcast created to help people achieve their limitless potential while honouring the human experience. Get the confident entrepreneur journal with 22 journal prompts to help you release self-doubt and finally start your business right here.
Connect with Cassandra: Instagram | Website
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FREE GIFT: The Confidence Tool Kit is here to help you walk into the second half like a queen (because you are one already). Get it here.
Email me and tell me what you think: christin
Welcome to the Inviting Shift Show. This week, we are going to talk about all kinds of things around midlife. In previous episodes, we talked about how we get to this point, and we're like now, what do we do now that we've done the things and we're not ready for that rocking chair yet, at 45 or 50 or even 60 necessarily? So we want to know what else we can be doing and how do we take care of ourselves in midlife, and so those are some of the topics that we're going to talk about today. I'm your host, christina Smith, and I am going to have each of our beautiful, amazing women introduce themselves. I am already loving the conversation that we were having, so I'm very excited to introduce Cassandra. Cassandra, can you tell us a little bit about you?
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for having me. I'm excited to chat with you all today and I am from Toronto, canada, and I am a certified coaching healer and intuitive business coach and what really lights me up is just to help ignite spiritual entrepreneurs to find clarity and conquer their fears and create a massive ripple effect in the world. I'm also an award-winning author and speaker, and yeah, it's a little bit about me.
Speaker 1:Thanks, cassandra. Lovely, I'm so excited to talk about these topics with you today, sharon, welcome.
Speaker 3:Well, thank you, and thank you for inviting me to be a part of this conversation. I'm really excited to get into what we're going to be discussing today. I'm Sharon Burton. I am an artist, a teacher, artist, a poet, now a best-selling author and a certified creativity coach. I work with people at Midlife who want to reclaim, rediscover or discover their creative passions and gifts and help build the confidence to show up creatively in the world. So again, thank you for inviting me. I'm looking forward to the discussion.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Sharon's just published a book too. I will talk more about that in a little bit. But things we can do in midlife is amazing.
Speaker 3:Yes, it is Kelly.
Speaker 1:how about you?
Speaker 4:So I'm Kelly. I am here in Berkeley, california, in the San Francisco Bay Area, and my life started as a trained architect and then working on historic buildings and doing rehabilitations, and now I'm, more recently, a city planner for the city and county of San Francisco. And, yeah, I'm just so excited to be here to have a conversation with all of you. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Lovely. Thank you, Kelly, Thank you all for introducing yourselves. So let's start with new passions and hobbies. Because midlife is the time where I started painting and I think that's one of the reasons I connected with Sharon was I started getting really creative and I had never been an artist before. I had really terrible art teachers. But I decided one day I wanted to paint and I just I bought the canvas and the paints. I stared at it for a whole year and it was like, oh my God, what am I going to do? And I was constantly looking for something that would feel good to do In my spare time. It didn't have to be a moneymaker, although I changed my life also and got my own business. But, Sharon, what happens when women come to you, when they're like I don't?
Speaker 3:know what.
Speaker 1:I'm passionate or creative about.
Speaker 3:Well, it's really a process of helping people understand and acknowledge that. The thought process that I have found is that people need a sense of permission. You know, if you came up when I did, you graduated from high school, let's say in the 80s, maybe the late 70s, but definitely in the 80s. You know, a lot of us were not encouraged to be creative. You know, that was considered frivolous, a waste of time. It wasn't something you could make money at, you know, and at that time everything you know was about, you know, everything you know was about, you know, making money, you know.
Speaker 3:So a lot of us were channeled. You know, I wanted to go to art school but I was gently sat down and told that, as much as you know, there was an acknowledgement of my talent, because I love drawing and painting and all that kind of stuff, but it was more or less, like you know, the message was like, if we're going to pay for this, you know you probably need to look at something else. And a lot of us were channeled that way. You know, we went into business, we went into political science, maybe psychology, healthcare, engineering, you know those kinds of things, and we were a lot of us were moved away from more of the what some people would consider soft, artistic kinds of things, because you know, and by well-meaning people, you know they did not want to see us go broke or, you know, struggle with the stereotype of what an artist or a musician you know had to deal with.
Speaker 3:And so I think what has happened is that a lot of people have, you know, a lot of the folks that I've worked with, had kind of in their mind have said, okay, I, that's frivolous, I don't need, I can't give myself permission to do that.
Speaker 3:I have to be, you know, out here making money and you know, by golly I'm going to be in the corporate world, government, whatever, you know health care, and we did that. But what's happening is now you have folks that are dealing with emptiness syndrome. They are rediscovering their own creative passions. You know one thing about the younger generation. You know they are encouraged to be their creative selves. You know the messages are different for this generation that's coming up and I think some of them are their own children, some of them are working with these people.
Speaker 3:And then, just you, social media is really a lot more about creativity and you know people are like, well, I want to really get back to that and it can be intimidating, you know to. You know, do I take a class and will there be mostly younger people. Would you know, is it too late for me to embark on something creative? And so you know, I think the biggest thing is saying to yourself yes, I give myself permission to unleash my creative side at this point in my life. It's never too old, it's never too late, unless you're trying to do something that you know. If you can't sing and dance like Beyonce, nobody's saying for you to do that. But if you want to dance, if you want to sing, you know you can do that. You may not get a record deal, but it's about unleashing your passion, you know. That's the part that you know. That's key. It's not about you know whether you're going to be the successful person. It's about you know unleashing who you are. And so that's what I think is really about is saying, yes, I can be a creative person. And not only that, once you give yourself permission to do so, is also claiming that you are that, claiming that you are an artist, claiming that I am a dancer.
Speaker 3:I have a friend of mine. I went to a dance recital. She's in her 50s and it was me and another friend of mine that went. The thing is, she's been dancing since she was two or three years old. Her career was education, administration. To see her as she just retired, to see her on the stage with these other ladies that are in the same age group, and how free she looked, you know she was, just feel you could tell she and she wasn't the best dancer, but the freedom that I saw it was, it was phenomenal. That's what we're about. It's about freeing that side of ourselves that's been denied because of, you know, social or whatever, messaging you know and feeling comfortable about that and then owning that.
Speaker 3:And you know, christina, I hope that you have owned or have come to the place of owning that. Yes, you are an artist and I've seen some of your work so I can definitely attest to that. So you know, and what you choose to do with that is on you. You don't even have to have it in an exhibition if you don't want to. That doesn't make you any less or more of an artist. So, understanding whatever level that you are, you know it's fine. It doesn't make you more or less. I choose to exhibit my work. Other people don't. They do it because it brings them joy. It's a form of self-care and that's okay. And understanding that you're okay, whatever level you decide that you want to be.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that so much because so many good points in there where it's like you know, our parents were telling us, if it doesn't make money, it's not a real job, right, like it's not a real thing. If my art doesn't bring me money, then that's not a real thing that you can do for me. It was really allowing myself permission to screw it up.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:To like know that the first painting I'm going to make is not going to be Michelangelo or anything you know like. This is going to be a lot, a lot of fun, though it's about the journey and doing it not for money but for actual joy, and the other thing that came up for me was I was thinking back, like when I was growing up in the seventies and eighties. It was pretty much if you can't be number one or be the 1% at the top, that's the best at what you're doing then you shouldn't do it and like that whole thing is like I have to be the best artist or else it's not appropriate for me to do.
Speaker 1:And that's where we need to give ourselves permission, because, I mean, none of the greatest artists were just magically I mean. Maybe they were, but I've seen like the versions and versions and versions of the same painting over and over and over again, because they were trying to get better, they were trying to perfect it, and that's the journey, the practice. That's really the important part, right, and the fun part really, because what happened for me was a friend of mine came up and was like Christina, you don't have to hang this dang thing on the wall. All you got to do is put the dang colors on the canvas and swish them around. That's painting there. You're a painter, so it reminded me very much of your energy around that. And, kelly, I know that you just picked up a new hobby and you're like unloading, and how does that feel to have like a new thing that you're really excited about?
Speaker 4:Well, yeah, actually it. It was when you know Sharon was sharing uh that our parents pushed us into doing non-creative, um sort of like uh disciplines and to study those. I was just having a conversation with my niece yesterday about how I wanted to study art practice and my parents said, no way, how are you going to support yourself? And so I decided to shift and study architecture, and so that then became a profession. That then I can you know, I mean little did I know it's not like the most lucrative profession either, so you work really hard but it's, you know, peripherally. You know where you can do drawings, and I was the last you know sort of like class of students that did everything by hand versus like everything on the computer, which I loved. And I think because of that love and that passion for drawing and, you know, being creative, it really helped me stay focused in that profession. But, yes, and so now I'm thinking like, hey, nearing the end of my career, because I've had a really like good career and just like really exciting, you know ones where I like worked on really interesting projects. But what I'm really feeling that I'm missing is that creativity part. And as I'm nearing that end of like, well, I feel like I've already, you know, done my whatever, I've had the climax of my, you know, of my um profession, and what I'm really craving is like the artistic side again and it's coming full circle. And so when I think about, like, what I want to do, like in retirement and you know, maybe this is the, the strange perspective of like, why should I even wait until I'm retired to to do something creative? But just like that full circle of like, wow, that's what I really, really loved in the beginning and, look, I'm still coming back. I really want that to be part of my life, because for so long I kept it out of my life because I was so focused on having a career making money so that I could survive, so, okay.
Speaker 4:So about the, I guess, the new art form, this is really just weird and esoteric, but I'm really interested recently in art, um, medieval, um, manuscript, illumination artwork, and so, um, I had, you know, um, done some calligraphy, just like on my own in high school. But, um, I'm just recently like looking into, um, like learning how to do, um, some of that artwork and, you know, it's just like if you see medieval manuscripts, you see, you know, like there's big letters and then there's like a bunch of clear fee Um and it's just about. For me, it's just about like using my hands instead of being in front of a computer all day. And then there's like painting, there's colors and and you know, and, and I will say, when I first started I was like, oh my gosh, where do I start?
Speaker 4:I don't even know where to go, and it was really scary until I was just like I just have to, I had to start somewhere. And then I just bought something and then I tried it and I was like this is really fun, but to really, I think, move past it, I felt like I had to talk to a bunch of people to be like, what did you do, what? What materials should I buy? And now what I'm really looking for is like a community of people who do the same things, so that I am hoping that I can meet with them in person or do classes with them or just like be in a space to be, you know, with that energy of like people who love doing the same things. So that's where I am.
Speaker 1:So long story, from like what I wanted to do originally to where I am today exploring this new art form, yeah, I love that so much because it really comes back to like what I tell women when they're like I don't know what I want to do. I never, you know, I've been raising kids and working full time and doing all of the things I haven't had time to think about what it is I actually am passionate about or want to do. And so one of the things like look back to your childhood. What did you like to do then? What would you have?
Speaker 1:What creative job would you have had if your parents were like you have to have a creative job, which just trying to picture my mom say something like that is a little funny to me, but really that's where we can start is what did we always want to do? And painting was something I wanted to do when I was younger, but one, we didn't have the money for supplies and two, I just didn't have great art teachers. So I was pretty sure I would just be a failure and so never tried. But yeah, going back, cassandra, what about you? What's your creativity? What do you dig into and get passionate about?
Speaker 2:No, I, I love this discussion and I really love the whole thing of giving yourself permission to be able to tap into those creative endeavors. I have such an appreciation for art and for music but I have to admit I'm that person that can't draw like a stick person. You know what I mean. I know my strengths. I'm an ideas person. So in my business it's been such a creative outlet of creating programs and social media. I love that you're talking about sharing about all the social media aspects of it and expressing my creative expression that way.
Speaker 2:But with what I do of helping people find clarity of what they want to do, whether it's for their business or their path, I always love to say that, like, creation loves joy, right and clarity loves joy and fun. And I think whether you have like a midlife crisis and I feel like now a lot of people in my age demographic have like the quarter life crisis of what am I going to do with my life? I finished school Maybe it's not what I wanted to do, Maybe I was kind of going to school to have my parents and I want to create this new and fresh start. I feel like there's this interesting overlap between like the two generations, if you will, with that kind of like now, what moment experience.
Speaker 2:And I feel like we try and approach these life decisions from a very logical perspective and I always love to say, like, just incorporate more of the fun things, like that childlike wonder, like that curiosity, to kind of open yourself up to all of the clarity that's supposed to come when you are doing things, not figuring it out, but just being in the energy of joy. So for myself, you know, in terms of hobbies and stuff I've really gotten into, like fitness and working out as a form of expression, just to build more of this like mind body connection for myself, and it's just been such a cool hobby of trying different things like yoga and weight lifting and doing different types of workouts, just to kind of build that mind body connection for me. And I find, since I've made a practice of it and started having fun with it and not looking at things from such a logical perspective, it's just opened me up to so many creative ideas, whether to do for my business or just for fun and bringing more joy into my life.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I love that and I love that, like younger generations, their joy is more important than it was for like Gen X, let's say, because, like they don't have boomer parents, so that we're like, oh no, prepare for the depression is, you know, you never know what's going to happen, and so you got to have a paycheck. And that was a big thing for my mom was you need to have a paycheck? So 10 years ago, when I quit my job to be a full-time coach, you know she was sending me employment ads for a good five years Cause it just rocked her world that I would not be getting a paycheck every week and that there's no benefits and you know all of that stuff Like she just couldn't. Even to this day she doesn't even talk about it, cause I think it just freaks her out, like the whole idea of not having a paycheck. And and it was really, you know, brave of me to like change my world to get there, especially when, like 20 years ago, I didn't even know what a life coach was, hadn't gone to therapy, so I didn't even like there's jobs today that just weren't jobs back then, like being an influencer or just creating on social media. It's not my medium, my favorite medium, and I am like there there is so much creativity and you know this because we can get locked for hours watching other people's creativity right. But what I love that you also picked up is that you were saying about self-care, and I think that this creativity, it is self-care, right, it is exploring more of who we are, whether that's creativity or working out. It is exploring more of who we are, whether that's creativity or working out.
Speaker 1:I've been in a really challenging transition for the last few months and I got to tell you, challenging transitions are really great because they always make me go back to my own tools, which for me it's like journaling, so that I'm not spewing toxicity out into the world. I can put it down in my journal and then I can work it out Like where's my empowered self? I hear the really judgmental inner child right now, but where is that empowered self of myself? And so let's talk a little bit about self-care and what that moves onto. I know when I used to say self-care, people were like I did get a mani, pati, I still don't feel good and I'm like, while physical self-care is lovely, I mean, I think what we forget about is the internal self-care which is like that mental, emotional, all of that stuff. So what does that self-care look like for y'all?
Speaker 2:Something that I've learned about self-care is it's much more than getting your nails done Like that's important, yes, but it's really nourishing your mind, body and soul so that your cup is an overflow and then it just spills over to other people in our life.
Speaker 2:I think, as women, we can put ourselves on the backseat and find the more that it's not selfish to focus on what is nourishing us in our mind, body and soul. So I find, once you take all those pieces into consideration, that's where this true natural alignment happens and you can show up in a whole different version of yourself. And I think it's not one size fits all Like self-care to me could be completely different from each and every one of us. So I think it's really uncovering what is it that makes you feel most nourished and most like in this overflow state and all those aspects and making it small and making it fun and making it easeful. It's not something you check off a bucket list, like you know, your checklist of the week. It's just bringing that into your life in a natural and simple way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. You say it's like individualized, which is really lovely because you know I get clients that are like, well, just give me a morning routine. Well, my morning routine is not going to look like your morning routine. I have a friend who runs 10 miles a day. I am not that person. She couldn't give me her morning routine because I would be like, good luck on that, I'll fail every day. But it's really about you know. What you were saying is like it's about how treating ourselves right, it's not. I've always looked at I used to look at it like it was like a to-do list. Oh, here we go. I have to do all these dang things for myself again. Check, check, check. And instead it's like I get to go outside and meditate in nature. I get to spend half an hour journaling, if that's what I want in the morning.
Speaker 1:And I get really excited about that now because I can clear everything out before I start my day and you know I can easily forget about that in good times but I got to tell you. If you're in transition like I am, might just try going back to your old tools. How about Sharon? What's your self-care look like these days?
Speaker 3:You know it's interesting, I was just thinking about that. You know I do have just morning rituals that I do, which helps to ground my, which includes prayer, meditation and that sort of thing in the morning. Of course I like physical activity. I am not a gym rat when I was much younger I was but I rather do walking or hiking in nature, nature. You know the whole gym thing doesn't do. You know, that kind of environment doesn't work for me anymore and it hasn't for quite some time. So my ideal of working out is usually walking in nature or going on a hike and just being outdoors and the chlorophyll and just the sky and all of that just really, just really brings me a lot of peace. Um, and you know, again, it kind of reminds me of childhood.
Speaker 3:I grew up in upstate new york, um way up, not the perkipsi and albany, upstate I mean upstate, like what we would say upstate, that's not upstate, that's downstate. So Albany, upstate, I mean upstate, like what we would say upstate, that's not upstate, that's downstate. So I grew up near Syracuse, so I was one of them people and so you know I grew up in a fairly rural area where you know you had land and as a kid I would, you know, walk across our land to the trussle the old train trussle and you know there was ponds and trees and you know wild blackberries and you know apples and stuff. So that was what I connect to the most is nature. The other thing that I do, I'm a fan of Julia Cameron's work. She's the author of the Artist's Way and that is a phenomenal book about reclaiming your creativity, by the way, and I think many of us have used that book somewhere along the way in our own journey, and I love the two things she mentions, the two tools for creativity, which actually are self-care habits if you adopt them, and one is the artist date and one is the morning pages, and morning pages is really the journaling practice, the longhand not typing on the computer, on the phone, longhand in the journal, you know, sort of dumping everything out and clearing your mind, and it's helpful for creativity but it's helpful to start the day on the right track. So I fell off on my morning pages practice, but I'm getting back on. But the other piece that I like too is what she calls the artist date, and that is a solo excursion to help you become inspired for creativity and it can look like really anything that you want it to look like.
Speaker 3:And so, a matter of fact, I spent the whole day on Sunday, the whole entire day, at a local beach town, and I started off early, brought a book, read the book, sat by the water, then walked around. There was a local gallery I took in that ended up buying some art I didn't expect to buy, but anyway, what else did we do? Well, what I do I say we, it's me I took myself on the date and, you know, tried out a restaurant that I've never tried before. Out that way Was near the marina, and I mean just walking and having the sun hit my skin, and in this area we've been having 90 degree, 100 degree weather, and for it to be in the late 80s just felt good for us. And you know, when I came back, I just felt so refreshed, so refreshed, you know, I, it was just such a wonderful day to treat me to a nice lunch, some art, to a day, you know, and just clearing my head and being near seawater.
Speaker 3:Um, you know, and that's a form of self-care, you know, it's, it's, it's doesn't have to be oming's, it doesn't have to be only, it doesn't have to be yoga. It doesn't have to be, you know, those things that we're. You know that now, social media and everybody and their mom is telling you to do which are good things, by the way, but it can be something as simple as that. That's about a 45 minute drive for me, you know, I didn't have to pay for parking. The only thing I paid for was the art which I chose to do that, and lunch, you know. So it doesn't have to be.
Speaker 3:Oh, you know, secluded retreats. You know spending thousands of and I think a lot of people have gotten that, you know, because the industry is really big, you know, but it doesn't have to be because the industry is really big, you know, but it doesn't have to be unattainable. You know, these things can be attainable without having to spend thousands of dollars to say that you are self-caring. You know you can do that with just a day's drive. You can do that in your neighborhood, at your local park, your local park. You can even do a spa day, you know, at home, where you don't even have to leave and just, you know, turn off your electronics and just be, you know. So those are the kinds of things that really juice me as far as self-care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I spent just a few weeks ago. I went away on a weekend by myself, because I now live with a lot more people than I used to live with, and so away helped me quiet everything, so I could actually hear myself again. That was amazing. The one other thing that I love that you were talking about was in the past, going to the gym was your thing and now it's not. And I guess I just want to point out to people that it's okay if our passions change. That's not a bad thing.
Speaker 1:I was painting a lot. There's not a lot of space where I am to paint now, so I crochet now instead, and that's that's what I do. That's how I get creative in a small space. But we're allowed to change our passions. We don't have to stay. If one day we decide that the smell and the noise and the tempo of the gym is not working for us, we can say what else can I do? Do I want to go to a yoga class? Do I want to go out hiking instead? How is it that I can still get the physical activity that I know my body is craving and do it in a way that feels good? We don't have to force ourselves to do the thing the way other people do the thing. I love that so much. I just wanted to highlight that point because I thought that was really, really important. Kelly, what are you doing for self-care these days?
Speaker 4:So, yeah, it's just starting with the whole physical aspect, no-transcript. But I noticed just, you know, as you also, christina saying like I'm an introvert, but at work I have to be an extrovert because of the nature of my job and I'm constantly talking to the public and I have, you know, a team of people, and so when I do self-care, it's about having space and time and time off. And I think, because I'm such a, you know, like focus, doer, as, like a warrior, where I'm just like do, do, do, do you know, have a really long to-do list, for me, the self-care is to take time off and, in a way like this to me, this self-care of like doing the things that is not related to my work, that's like focused on, like getting ahead, getting a paycheck and, you know, doing the things that are meaningful, I think, in life. Uh, and then I was also thinking about, you know, I recently had a birthday and I was asked, you know, by my family, like what do you want to do for your birthday? And so I thought like gosh, you know I want to be, you know I want to do something fun.
Speaker 4:So I decided, like I wanted to do go carts, you know, even though I'm almost 50. But I said, hey, this is going to be great, and then also accepting the fact that maybe not everyone is going to appreciate it. And so when we all showed up this weekend, I had some nephews and nieces. They looked kind of disappointed, like why am I here? What am I doing? But then after they all did their go-karts, they were so like happy and excited and everyone was so you know, they just they couldn't stop talking about it and I was like that's good and just kind of accepting that like I had a choice to do something that I wanted to do, um, even if it's not something that would be like aligned with like how we normally did things within our family. So that was really I don't know.
Speaker 4:For me it felt like I'm going to take care of myself and say I want to do this, and that was really fun, working with other people as well and doing a lot of like volunteer type of things, where or even just you know, at work, of allowing other people to do things you know, in their own pace, in their own time, and not wanting to just like step in and do it because I'm so used to doing everything, and that to me, is like some self-care as well.
Speaker 4:To be like you know what I have to hold space for myself to not like to not intervene in that space as well, because that's a way to protect my own sort of like space and time, um, so that I'm not um like trying to do something that you know or force something to happen quicker than maybe it needs to happen. So, in a way, just I don't know looking at like our choices in life and like how we can give ourselves self-care by thinking about all of the choices we have, like even in like daily things. To be like, oh, is this something that I need to get worked up about? Maybe not. You know my husband and how he does dishes. To be like, okay, well, this is what I'm, this is what it is, and I am just going to focus on something else and in that way, like for me, that's also self-care. To be like, okay, I'm going to focus on, like you know, know, the next painting or other thing that I want to work on, versus something that I have no control over.
Speaker 3:I just wanted to piggyback off something that you said, kelly. Um, uh, that just sort of pinged with me when you said about time, something about time and self-care, one of the things that I found increasingly important for me when I was much younger. I didn't do this I just because you know you have the energy and you know we're trying to check off the. You know we're trying to be super women and I want to be known for this, and that means I got to be out there. And now I look at my calendar and I space out weekends where there's nothing scheduled, so I'm not doing all the things anymore. You know, for example, august is purposefully kind of laid back, but I'm doing a online challenge actually on my social media about artist dates, so I'm sort of challenging people to do that, which means I'm doing that, which means I'm getting my self-care, and a lot of times I did one on morning pages too, and I laugh at people usually when I do that. It means that I need it, so I just want people to do it with me. But anyway, um, september is going to be very busy for me and I was like wow, you know, this is a month that I'm constantly, you like on the go. So, um, recently I had made some decisions of some events I wasn't going to go to and someone. It's funny how you can do that and then somebody challenges it to you and learning to say no when there's a part of you that's like, oh, you know, if I go, this will be great for me, blah, blah, blah. But then I'm like okay, sharon, but look at your schedule. You're going to be just coming back from over here. You're going to have something the week before. That's going to be. You know, you said that you weren't going to go to this and it was an event honoring someone that's part of an organization I'm in and you know, I think she's a lovely woman. But I just was like I don't think I'm going to put any time. I think that weekend I'm going to just sort of chill, or you know whatever.
Speaker 3:And lo and behold, somebody came up to me I mean, within days I've made that decision and was like oh, can you do a painting? We want to honor her, and you know, and I was shocked and I was like a painting, or you know one of your artworks, we think it would be great for her. And there's that ego side, that's like, yeah, okay, they think I'm bad, so I am, I am going to have the painting and I'm going to be up there, tired, is that you know what? But out there and you know, and then I said, no, get it done, get done, get it framed, get it to the people, let them do it, long as you're recognized for it, which you will.
Speaker 3:Don't get caught up in trying to do all the things. And my old self would have been like, oh, I know I'm going to be tired, but I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it. And then what do we do? We get up there, we're tired, and then things happen. We get sick, we may get into a car accident, we may just have a sense of resentment because you're like I could be at home watching the reality show that I love and binge on that.
Speaker 3:But I'm here and I'm dressed up and I'm you know, I'm one people that that that fight against wearing grown folks clothes. So you know heels and all that. I mean COVID just really messed me up. I tell you the whole thing. So you know, I gotta wear makeup and you know jewelry and you know dress and you gotta look sharp, because this organization is known for the women looking tight and it's like I don't want to be here.
Speaker 3:You're half tired by the time they do this. So you know it's like I don't want to be here. You're half tired by the time they do this. So you know it's honoring. You know yourself, and even though there's a part of me I'm an empath, I'm an introvert but I'm always like, oh, am I letting folks down? I should be. No, it's about you. It's about you. It's about you. And you know that you got a crazy month of events where you're traveling at least twice that month and doing all these things. You know, carve out some time. You know that event is not really about you. You know, yeah, they asked you, it's honor, but in the end. So learning to say no is key.
Speaker 1:I love that because I was going to bring up, as Carly was speaking, I was going to bring up all about these blocks that we have to getting to the creativity, because it's all fine and dandy to be like, oh, I'm going to explore new things, I'm going to try new things. It's all fine and dandy to be like, oh, I'm going to explore new things, I'm going to try new things, and then, like Cassandra was saying earlier, it falls off the list because we're like, oh well, I really should take Timmy to, you know, baseball practice and I should really do this and I should really do that and I should say yes to these people because they asked me and it's an honor. My ego's going, ooh, I'm pretty cool, you know. But there's also this piece, these pieces that we have to be able and what I heard from Kelly was like letting go of control is. That has been one of the best pieces of self-care I've ever had was letting go of control, so that I am, I am open to and have that space.
Speaker 1:Like Kelly said, I let go of my husband and the way he's doing that and I'm just going to go over here and do my own thing, and isn't that a better use of her time is to, um, really look at how you know what she really wants, instead of, you know, staring at the judgments and whatnot that she might have. And my husband does the same thing. I don't know. Is it who taught these men how to wash dishes? I don't know. Cassandra, what about you? What do you think that we have to let go of in order to be able to step into? Even you know? Looking at, maybe having our own business, or looking at having more creativity?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I love that question. I find that when we talk about self-care and self-love, there can be a big conversation of what habits to add into your life. Oh, come and do this five minute meditation. Oh, go, check out yoga, whatever. It may be Right, but I think a big part of it is also looking at putting on your awareness cap and acknowledging what are the things that aren't forms of self-love for you as a being, as Cassandra, as Sharon, as Kelly, as Christina, right? Like what are things that are ways that we're not being kind to ourselves, not being kind to our body, right? So maybe it's our stomach hurts whenever we eat gluten, but we continue to eat it and eat it and eat it. Right? That's the opposite of self-love. So maybe it's finding a gluten-free alternative. Maybe it's we are scrolling on social media or on our phones or on the computer, watching shows late at night and we're not getting the nourishing sleep.
Speaker 2:So I think what has been really helpful for me, too, is acknowledging what are the things that I'm doing in my life that aren't serving me and aren't serving the way that I'm showing up in my energy, in my mindset, and giving myself again permission to be able to release them Could even be thought patterns. Maybe it's we were talking a little bit about people pleasing right and like control. Maybe we get into control mode and just it triggers anxiety within us. Maybe we're always saying yes instead of saying no, even though our gut's telling us not to. So I think it's looking again at the holistic picture of our mind, bodies and souls and just seeing, like what's serving us and what is getting in the way of us cultivating the self-love that we want to create for ourselves, because it's so deeply connected to entrepreneurship and to our careers as well.
Speaker 2:The way that we are treating ourselves is the way that it's going to influence the way that we show up in our day-to-day lives and our families and our businesses and our careers. So it all starts with us and I acknowledge like once I had this change of perspective of looking at the ways I wasn't loving myself and making the shifts. That only helped my business. I wasn't having burnout anymore helped my business. I wasn't having burnout anymore. I wasn't having that like misalignment when I was doing things because I feel like I should, where people were telling me to do something and then having that afterthought turmoil of I wish I just trusted my gut on that one. You know, my experience of life and the way that I show up in my relationships and in my business is transformed when I gave myself permission to do an inventory of the way that I was showing up.
Speaker 3:It's very, very profound.
Speaker 1:And I want to piggyback on that about the thought patterns, right, because we often have beliefs that are getting in our way. For me in business, my belief was, if I work twice as hard or twice as long, I'll suddenly get there in half as much time. And so I worked these 70 hour weeks. I would end up exhausted. I wasn't showing up the way that I wanted to. I mean, people could tell, my clients could tell.
Speaker 1:And when I decided that I was no longer going to work over 40 hours a week, I started getting more clients. I went down to 35. I got more clients and I was like how is this working? What is going on? And sure, it could be like the snowball effect from all the years before, but most of it was because I was taking really good care of myself. And when we do that, other people can see. Just like Sharon was saying, like her friend isn't the best dancer, but it was the joy on her face and the confidence that she had and the passion she had around it that really lit her up. And if we aren't taking time to do those things, then of course people don't want to work. Who wants to work with a life coach that looks exhausted, all the time Like, yes, I want to be just like you exhausted.
Speaker 3:One of the other things that we we needed to keep in mind and Cassandra kind of you know, cause when people start talking and stuff starts hitting to keep in mind and Cassandra kind of you know, because when people start talking then stuff starts hitting is looking at how do we vibrate higher. And I think, Cassandra, your suggestion of really taking a look at, okay, what's not working or what do we know is not working, you know, and you kind of like went into my neighborhood, okay, when you started talking about late night television stuff, you know, because I need to do better with that. But one of the other things that I've recently learned that I needed to do is, if I value myself and I value who I am and I want to vibrate higher to attract, as Christina said, new clients or whatever our relationship is, taking a look at our relationships too, Because who are those folks that are around us? You know, who is influencing what we do.
Speaker 3:Now, of course, you know, yeah, you can say no sometimes, but sometimes you're in a situation where the people around you are not going to take no for an answer and you have to end up doing things, or you may be in some relationships where it's not nurturing. You know where you're extending more into that, whether it's a friendship or romantic kind of situation or even a work situation, and you're getting drained because you're not getting anything back. People are just taking advantage of you or whatever. And you know it's really finding the courage in some cases to say you know, this is not working for me. You know, I had a couple of friendships like that where I just sort of woke up and just realized every time I would go out with one it was all about her and her business and her husband and you know, and it was like okay, well, I'm writing a book and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 3:Oh well, that's nice, but anyway, my husband, my this, my that you know, and after a while that got old because I wasn't getting a reciprocal feeling from our relationship. I felt like I was a therapist and you know I'm not one to tell somebody what to do with their husband. I'm not married, I'm, you know, even though I could tell that he was emotionally abusing her, you know. But you don't want to be in that space-between stage right now. But I've learned that keeping people around just to have friends and people, you know it was doing me more harm than good.
Speaker 3:But if I'm honoring who I am, I need to make sure that that's reflected in the people I'm dealing with and the situations I'm dealing with and how I'm treating myself. It's not just doing the right things for yourself but making sure it's a 360 situation. And that means, you know, re-evaluating the relationships in your life that have maybe are bringing a toll to your self-worth and being. And it's not easy, especially if you're in a situation where you're relying on somebody for financial stability or whatever. But it's not impossible and it just may just prompt you to do more things to get yourself out of that space of being beholden to someone that doesn't honor you, in order for you to start that business, to be creative. You know all that. I think it's very important that we look at those things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a whole nother form of self-care is how are our relationships feeding us or starving us? Right Either way? And what is which? Which relationships are really aligned with what it is that we want?
Speaker 1:Um and that's where we um, I really work with clients to figure out, like, what is it that you actually want? How do you want to feel when you get there? And if that's what you say, like, if I say, uh, love, open and boldness are my words, but then I'm working till like nine o'clock at night instead of nurturing my relationships, my love and my openness and doing my work, then that's not really aligned anymore. Is it like? So, aligning all the things? Does this feel you know, marie Kondo-ing our entire life? Basically like, does this choice feel good to me?
Speaker 1:It doesn't mean that, like, everything I do is going to feel good. I still have to do dishes sometimes, but I know that when I'm done with the dishes, I'm going to feel good about them being clean, right, and so that that is an alignment with my, with my intentions. So, really aligning everything in our lives with what it is that we say, that we want, and looking at those relationships, beliefs or blocks that are coming up in the way and why we're not doing that. All right, women, so before we go, what I'd love each of you to do is share one piece of wisdom and if there's anything that you want to share about where they can find you or whatever you have, share it with us. Cassandra, you want to go first?
Speaker 2:It's a good question to think about one piece of wisdom meant to be shared. I think that permission piece has really been like the through line of the conversations Give yourself permission to cultivate a deeper level of self-love and to have more fun, because that's where the true clarity lies, that's where your confidence is developed and then that's when you can really formulate the path of what's next for you. That would be my advice. Beautiful, my wisdom. And I think the best place to connect with me is on Instagram, at Cassandra Rosa a, or my website, cassandra Rosacom. You can. There's a bunch of freebies there. Um, all the beautiful ways to work with me.
Speaker 1:We'll have those links below too, so people can easily clickety-click. Thanks, Cassandra Sharon.
Speaker 3:Well, cassandra took mine. No, I did everything that Cassandra said. I think, in addition to that is sort of, you know, piggybacking off our last conversation, making sure that, as you look to give yourself permission to grow and to discover and rediscover and, you know, dive into your passions and how you want to see your life unfold, making sure that the people around you is supportive of that, even if it's to get into. Kelly mentioned a group that does that kind of art, or a group of artists or a group of, you know, hikers, whatever it is that you're involved with. Making sure that you're around people that can nurture and help you grow. These are solo things that we do, as far as you know, making sure our self-worth is intact and making sure that we're doing what we need to to stay focused and, you know, relaxed and, you know, emotionally balanced. But we also need people and sometimes it takes a while. But cultivating a squad of like-minded people is very important and if you're able to do that and find ways to do that, I encourage people to do that and find ways to do that, I encourage people to do that.
Speaker 3:You can find me Also on Instagram At Spark your Creative. I am also on the world wide web At sparkyourcreativecom. I'm also on Facebook, but I hang out mostly In Instagram at the moment so, but on my website you can find some great resources. Some of them are free, some of them all of them are under $5 and under Guides different things that you can utilize to help you unleash your creativity, and also you can sign up for the newsletter and also find out more information about my book. I just released this book Creative Sparks 21 Affirmations and Inspirations for Creativity at Midlife. I'm so proud to say that I have a book, but you can find out more information. I'm going to be doing a lot of events around that book and you're welcome to come and join in all the fun.
Speaker 4:So I guess a takeaway would be to be curious and to be open to allowing I guess you know different ideas come in, leave and the ones that stick. Maybe, just like you know, dive a little deeper and see where it takes you. And also the same with like relationships of like. Does know, dive a little deeper and see where it takes you. And also the same with like relationships of like. Does this relationship work? Is it fun? Is it something I really enjoy? Finding community is what you know Sharon was saying. And, yeah, just giving yourself permission to even take that time to explore.
Speaker 4:And I'm not much of a, you know, I don't have my own website, but, um, I'm on Facebook and I guess there's Christina. I have an ID account, but I'm not such an avid poster, but I do, um, like travel a bit and so I I do um post on Facebook. Just, you know, when I do travel and explore, like, my biggest thing is about exploring the world and to see different places and how people live and just being really humble about how big the world is and we live here, but you know there's just like so much out there that we may not even know about, and so just being open to that is just really exciting. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if anybody has questions for you, kelly, they can always email me and go through me for you as well.
Speaker 1:Um, let's see, do I have a piece of advice? Um, I think I just want to go back to the allow yourself to change. Allow yourself to unfold a new version of yourself every year, every decade. Whatever it is that you feel like you need to get rid of the old skin, then let's, you know, shed it and go into something new that really lights you up again. Um, because there's no sense in just staying in something just to say I've been doing this for 20 years but now I hate it. Um, so just, uh, do what feels joyous and be okay with allowing that to change. Thank you All you beautiful, amazing women, thank you for your wisdom, thank you for your time and energy. Audience, I hope that you got something out of all this. I'm sure you must have taken away something, if not 10 things. So, uh, we'll see you next week.
